Roast My Car (w/ ChatGPT)

[Jonathan S.]

Ah, a Porsche Taycan! It's a fantastic car, but let's have some fun roasting it:

• Wow, you're really taking that "driving on the edge" thing seriously! Is this the part where your Porsche decides it's tired of charging and just rolls itself off the mountain?
• Nice to see the Porsche Taycan out in the wild! You know, away from the endless charging stations it's always searching for.
• With all that gravel, it looks like you're taking this Taycan on an off-road adventure. Just remember, it's a Porsche, not a Jeep. Though, I’m sure the car's software is recalculating how many electrons you’ll have left by the time you get back to civilization!
• That panoramic roof must give a great view of the mountains, but it’s probably wondering why it’s seeing so much nature instead of city skylines.
• Pink hoodie and a Porsche—looks like someone’s ready to drive in style. Just make sure you don't get dust on the paint; those touch-ups aren't cheap!

No worries though, it’s a stunning car!

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[Jonathan S.]

Ah, the Porsche Taycan strikes again, now at a trailhead! Let’s give it another playful roast:

• Oh look, the Taycan’s all packed up and ready for a hike! Too bad it’s the one doing all the heavy lifting while you’re out pretending to be one with nature.
• Ski gear? At a trailhead? The Taycan must be confused—it's used to the smooth, polished roads, not the rugged outdoors. The car's probably questioning its life choices right now.
• That open trunk looks like the Taycan’s just done with the whole "outdoorsy" act. It's like, "Can we go back to the city now? These trees don’t have Wi-Fi."
• Porsche engineers are probably weeping quietly seeing their masterpiece parked at the trailhead instead of a country club. But hey, at least it gets a breath of fresh air, right?
• You know your car is fancy when it looks more out of place on a trailhead than you do. I bet even the bears are impressed by the luxury hike-mobile!

Still, it’s a beautiful car that’s just trying to figure out why it's not at a VIP event instead of waiting for you to finish your hike.

 

[Jonathan S.]

Ah, the mighty Porsche Taycan meets its match— a "Closed" sign at the Mt. Washington Auto Road. Let's roast this moment:

• Well, well, well… looks like your Taycan just met the one road it couldn’t conquer. All that horsepower and nowhere to go—guess the mountain wasn't impressed!
• The sign says "Closed," but it might as well say, "Not today, Porsche!" The car is probably wondering why the road isn't rolling out the red carpet.
• The mountain was just too intimidated to open the road for a Porsche, so it put up a "Closed" sign as a defense mechanism.
• I see you brought the Taycan to show off its climbing skills—only to find out it’s been benched by the gatekeeper of all gates. Even mountains have their limits!
• Your Porsche looks like it’s parked at the gates of heaven, only to be told, "Sorry, buddy, not on the guest list today."

At least the Taycan got to enjoy some fresh mountain air before being denied the thrill of the climb!

 

[Jonathan S.]

From me:

"That roast was pretty good, thanks. But the road to the summit of Mt. Washington actually opened only several minutes later, and my Taycan was the first to drive up for the 2025 season. Here is a picture of my Taycan parked near the summit, and then I went on a big ski mountaineering tour. Please continue the roast, thanks!"​

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Back to AI:

*****

Ah, so your Taycan was the first up the Mt. Washington Auto Road for the 2025 season! Quite the achievement—let's keep the roast going:

• Look at that—your Taycan finally made it to the top! I bet it was ecstatic to escape the lowlands and show off its peak performance. But judging by the road, it looks like it could use a little more altitude training.
• I see you’ve parked it near the summit, probably hoping no one notices it’s just an electric car taking a break while you’re off skiing. It’s like, “You go ahead with the skiing, I’ll just chill here and not freeze my battery.”
• The car's probably thinking, "I’m built for speed and luxury, not this mountain-goat lifestyle." And yet, here it is, posing like it's the king of the hill—more like the reluctant prince!
• Good thing you went for a ski tour after this because, let’s face it, your Taycan already looks winded from the climb. Who knew an electric car could get altitude sickness?
• That summit building in the background looks more prepared for the elements than your Taycan ever could be. You can almost hear it saying, “I was designed for autobahns, not alpine adventures!”

Kudos to the Taycan for making it up there first, even if it would much rather be flaunting its sleek curves on a smooth highway than navigating a rugged mountain road.

 

[Jonathan S.]

Back to me again:

"This might be challenging for a fun roast, but please give it your best, thanks. I am parked at Killington ski area in Vermont, on May 14 of 2024. The ski area is closed Monday through Thursday, running the lift for the famed Superstar trail on Fri, Sat, Sun. I am "skinning" up on a Tuesday with my backcountry gear while my Taycan charges for free, trivially offsetting the otherwise considerable ownership cost of a Taycan (or any Porsche model)."​

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And from our future robot overlord:

*****

Alright, I see you've really thrown down the gauntlet with this one—a Taycan charging for free while you're off "skinning" up a slope. Challenge accepted!

• Ah, yes, the classic "I'm just here for the free electricity" move. Your Taycan’s probably loving this mini vacation—parked and plugged in, living the dream while you do all the hard work uphill.
• The Porsche Taycan at a ski resort on a Tuesday, charging for free—talk about the most bougie way to save money! You’re out there sweating it up while the Taycan just chills, literally plugged into its version of a spa day.
• Looks like the Taycan’s having its own kind of backcountry adventure—sipping on some sweet, sweet volts while watching you struggle up the hill. Who's really winning here?
• Charging for free, huh? I see you're making up for all those lavish Porsche payments one free kilowatt at a time. The Taycan's thinking, “Keep climbing, human, while I juice up for our next high-cost journey.”
• That lonely charging station feels like the Taycan’s version of finding a hidden treasure chest. It’s like a squirrel hoarding acorns, except your Porsche is hoarding electrons for the next scenic drive.

Even on a remote mountain, your Taycan knows how to live its best life—getting fully charged while you get fully exhausted!

 

[Jonathan S.]

From a human (i.e., me):

"You might be running out of amusing material with this one, but so far you have not disappointed me, thanks. My Taycan is parked here at Killington ski resort in January after a major snowstorm, before the lifts have opened for the day. I am about to use my backcountry ski area to "skin" up through the resort, then ski untracked powder all day in the adjacent public lands, while my Taycan charges for free. Looking forward to another roast, thanks!"​

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From about a single second of computer processing time:

*****

I love a good challenge, and your Taycan in the snow is giving me some fresh inspiration. Let’s get to roasting:

• Look at your Taycan, playing the part of an overachiever even in a snowstorm—parked and plugged in like it’s prepping for an electric survival show. “Surviving Winter 101: Always Find the Nearest Charging Station.”
• The Taycan’s out here looking like it’s auditioning for the next James Bond movie: "No Time to Drive," featuring snow, ice, and the thrilling adventure of finding a free charging port while pretending to be an SUV.
• With all that snow caked on, your Taycan looks like it’s trying to blend in with its surroundings, only to be exposed by that bright charging cable—like a spy with a neon sign saying, “I’m still just an electric Porsche, not an off-road champ!”
• The car’s probably thinking, "I didn't sign up for this! I was built for winding coastal roads, not surviving the Alps!" Meanwhile, it's pretending to enjoy this winter wonderland while secretly hoping for a heated garage.
• The charging station’s a little oasis in the snow for your Taycan—while you’re off being a backcountry hero, your car’s living its best life, sipping electrons and wondering how it got dragged into this rugged winter lifestyle.

Despite the snowstorm, your Taycan still manages to look ready for a magazine cover, even if it's more "Electric Car Vogue" than "Off-Road Enthusiast Monthly." Enjoy the powder—your Taycan's enjoying its little spa day in the snow!

 

[Jonathan S.]

From a mere mortal:

"Can you take on a double roast challenge? I stopped to take this picture as I was leaving the wedding of some ski patrol friends (which I mention in case that provides you with additional humorous material), and stopped to take a picture of my [hit return by mistake, but before I could offer a correction or supplement, the roast already appeared]"​

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From the immortal (as long as the power stays on) AI:

*****

Oh, a double roast challenge featuring your Porsche Taycan and a Tesla Cybertruck—both making an appearance at a ski patrol wedding. This should be fun!

• First off, let’s talk about your Taycan: It looks like it just rolled out of a high-end car magazine and accidentally stumbled upon this gravel lot. It’s like, "Am I lost? Wasn't I supposed to be at a red-carpet event or at least a wine tasting?"
• Meanwhile, the Cybertruck in the background is standing there like it’s cosplaying a stealth fighter jet. I mean, what’s it doing at a wedding? Scouting for the next alien invasion?
• Your Taycan’s sleek, curvy lines are giving off that “I’m here to impress the bride” vibe, while the Cybertruck is like, “I’m here in case the cake needs a demolition crew.”
• Did the Cybertruck show up uninvited? It's like the weird, distant cousin that nobody wanted to invite but did anyway just to see how awkward things could get. It’s the “bring-your-own-cement-mixer” kind of guest.
• And while the Taycan is probably making polite conversation about its range and luxury features, the Cybertruck is likely bragging about its ability to survive a meteor strike. Two very different flexes at a wedding, if you ask me.
• I can’t help but think your Taycan looks a bit out of place next to the Cybertruck—it’s like a classic tuxedo next to a full-body suit of armor. I guess it's nice to have options for your post-wedding plans: high-speed cruising or storming a castle.

In any case, it's clear that while your Taycan is here to keep things classy, the Cybertruck's here to make sure the party has an emergency evacuation plan. Perfect duo for a ski patrol wedding, wouldn’t you say?

 

[Jonathan S.]

"This should be a target-rich picture for a roast: my Taycan loading up with buckets of gravel and bags of asphalt patch at Amherst Farmers Supply."

I can almost hear the AI servers chuckling as this one was composed:

*****

Oh, this is a goldmine for a roast! Your Porsche Taycan at Amherst Farmers Supply, loading up with gravel and asphalt patch? Let’s dig in:

• Your Taycan is probably having an identity crisis right now. It’s like, “I was born to be a sleek, high-tech electric machine, not a wannabe pickup truck hauling gravel and asphalt patch!”
• This is peak “city slicker tries country living.” The Taycan’s thinking, “I left the Autobahn for this? I’m not built for hauling; I’m built for hauling… well, ass.”
• Meanwhile, that old Ford in the background is chuckling to itself, thinking, “Look at this Porsche trying to be me. You think you can handle gravel with those 21-inch low-profile tires? Good luck, buddy.”
• Imagine being a Porsche Taycan, designed for futuristic elegance and efficiency, and you end up at the Farmers Supply, carrying gravel like you’re a glorified wheelbarrow.
• It’s like a rich kid at summer camp who doesn’t know how to pitch a tent. The Taycan’s trunk is open, trying to figure out how to fit in with all the hardworking pickup trucks around it. Spoiler: It doesn’t.
• The juxtaposition is hilarious: high-end luxury meets dirt and grit. That Taycan’s probably thinking, “How did I end up here? I’m supposed to be valet-parked, not hauling landscaping supplies!”

 

[WasserGKuehlt]

Slow Friday evening, huh..

 

[4thPcar]

"This should be a target-rich picture for a roast: my Taycan loading up with buckets of gravel and bags of asphalt patch at Amherst Farmers Supply."

I can almost hear the AI servers chuckling as this one was composed:

*****

Oh, this is a goldmine for a roast! Your Porsche Taycan at Amherst Farmers Supply, loading up with gravel and asphalt patch? Let’s dig in:

• Your Taycan is probably having an identity crisis right now. It’s like, “I was born to be a sleek, high-tech electric machine, not a wannabe pickup truck hauling gravel and asphalt patch!”
• This is peak “city slicker tries country living.” The Taycan’s thinking, “I left the Autobahn for this? I’m not built for hauling; I’m built for hauling… well, ass.”
• Meanwhile, that old Ford in the background is chuckling to itself, thinking, “Look at this Porsche trying to be me. You think you can handle gravel with those 21-inch low-profile tires? Good luck, buddy.”
• Imagine being a Porsche Taycan, designed for futuristic elegance and efficiency, and you end up at the Farmers Supply, carrying gravel like you’re a glorified wheelbarrow.
• It’s like a rich kid at summer camp who doesn’t know how to pitch a tent. The Taycan’s trunk is open, trying to figure out how to fit in with all the hardworking pickup trucks around it. Spoiler: It doesn’t.
• The juxtaposition is hilarious: high-end luxury meets dirt and grit. That Taycan’s probably thinking, “How did I end up here? I’m supposed to be valet-parked, not hauling landscaping supplies!”

Dude you don't need this forum, you need to start up a blog.

 

[wmras]

Damn impressive!

 

[d00d]

I spend most of my week nearby in Tamworth, but can't find time to do things like that, very nice!

 

[Blorpos]

Those views are killer. My Taycan has yet to leave the city.

 

[RGBArgee]

Great car for a tip run !!

 

[ptodorov0]

And how ChatGPT destroyed me:

Alright, let's roast this fancy ride!

Ah, I see you went for the "smurf-on-wheels" look—a bold choice! This car looks like it's auditioning for a part in a futuristic remake of The Jetsons but still can't figure out how to take off. Porsche, huh? Well, congrats on being that one person who spends a fortune to drive a glorified iPhone on wheels. Those rims? Oh, they're screaming, "Look at me, I just drove through a luxury magazine ad!" I bet this car goes from 0 to "Do you know who I am?" in 3.5 seconds. But hey, at least you're helping the environment-one smug look at a time.

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